Conflict and Violence in Premarital Relationship Essay Example for Free

involvement and Violence in Premarital Relationship EssayIncidence of bookings and madness in antenuptial consanguinity seems to happen regularly. This research paper discusses the numerous possible apprehensions that would ca call mortal to turn over a dupe or perpetrator in premarital affinitys. A root cause of premarital fierceness is in childhood experiences. Individuals develop a certain race expressive style based on their childhood experiences that influences how they deliver in c lag kins.Childhood emotional trauma causes children to develop insecure blood style that produces adults with many an(prenominal) emotional and psychological issues much(prenominal) as depression and anger. These styles are marchesed the secure, the avoidant, the unsure and the disorganized relationship style. Children carry to communicate and inter influence with others through observing the way their manage conflicts parents. Conflicts occur very much, mainly due to the wish of communication skills surrounded by couples and individualistic insecurities. Uncontrolled and unmanaged conflicts can cause virtuoso or both partners lose control, and quite a good deal, the heated conflict ends in hysteria.Introduction Conflicts that arise in premarital relationships may be due to both dyadic and individual problems. These conflicts often lead to ferocity in relationships. The way someone reacts to lifes problems or issues is rooted in the way he or she is raised and his or her childhood experiences. The term premarital used throughout this paper refers to only a male- distaff relationship. The terms such as courtship, date relationships, also refers to the entire scope of heterointimate dating behavior, from casual dating through engagement and/or cohabitation.A premarital relationship is defined as any romantic love relationship involving a male and a female before marriage or outside of marriage. The essence of romance is characterized by a marked physical attraction, strong emotional trammel between the partners, and a tendency for distrisolelyively to idealize the other (Waller Hill, 1951). Premarital relationships in this research paper includes anyone from as young as advanced give lessons students to seniors. Conflicts Lead to Violence Conflict in premarital relationships can be defined as a disagreement, a quarrel or dispute, or a discord of action or feeling. match to Tim Clinton (2006), at that place are three levels of relationship dispute which are termed renegotiation, impasse or dissolution. aim one (renegotiation) involves someone who is angry and bickers rough his or her differences and who is governed by fears and anger. Level two (impasse) is where both individuals begin to loose emotionally from to each one other and no longer confide or trust each other. Level three (dissolution) is where couples eventually reach a point where they completely cut themselves off emotionally from each other (Clinton 2006).Violence in premarital relationships include acts that involves any force that is un respectable, rough or injurious to another somebody. Henton et al. (1983), reported several types of impetuous behaviors such as pushing, grabbing or shoving, slapping and kicking, biting or collision with the fist. Relationship force out involves both the victimized and the perpetrator. When a conflict gets out of hand and escalates, one or both partners lose control, and quite often the heated conflict ends in violence (Lloyd et al. , 1989).Alarmingly, violence in courtship seems to happen regularly between 1 in 3 and 1 in 2 college students and 1 in 10 high school students experience violence as victims or perpetrators (Cate et al. , 1982 Laner Thompson, 1982 Makepeace, 1981 Roscoe Callahan, 1985 appoint et al. , 1988 Stets Straus, 1989). The ability of premarital partners to overlook, forgive, or ignore invalidating interaction that is even encouraged and supported by peer groups is due to the power of romance (Lloyd, 1991). Individual and Childhood Problems Childhood experiences devote a invari adequate effect on people accord to the Social Learning Theory.Exposure to violence during childhood births individuals to a greater extent prone to be involved in a violent intimate relationship. The witnessing of violence in the family of neckcloth links to violent experience and military commission in premarital relationships Gover et al. (2008) explored the association between exposure to violence in the family of origin and subsequent physical violence and psychological aversion in dating relationship. go out violence development and perpetration, has been linked to exposure to violence during early childhood.Gover et al. 2008) termed this hypothesis intergenerational transmission of violence, where exposure to violence during childhood is related to subsequent involvement in violent intimate relationships (p. 1668). The hypothesis explains how dating v iolence is to a greater extent likely in people that go through child abuse or witnessed parental violence. The correction looked at the interpersonal violence between dating partners in several ways by victimization large sample of male and female college students to comprehensively examine the intergenerational transmission of violence hypothesis.Women are more often victimized than men. The study by Gover et al. , showed that childhood abuse is associated with the likelihood of dating violence victimization among females but not males. The tops showed a correlation between childhood violence victimization and physical violence perpetration in a dating relationship, which supported the intergenerational transmission of violence hypothesis. They also concluded that there is a significant relationship between physical dating violence victimization for women who were unfastened to enatic perpetrated abuse.Witnessing violence between parents does not have as much of a significan t impact on dating violence perpetration in comparison to female exposure to paternal perpetrated abuse. Child abuse is related to dating violence victimization and perpetration especially among males women are more likely to become victimized rather than the perpetrator according to some studies. Child abuse involves psychological abuse, emotional neglect, sexual abuse, exposure to severe marital conflict and addictive behavior (Clinton, 2006).According to the Gover et al. tudy, violence victimization and perpetration are experienced by those who witnessed one parent hit the other parent and experienced childhood abuse at higher rates in dating relationships in comparison to those who were not exposed to violence during childhood. Ones childhood relationships are very important because they shape the chemical processes in the brain that pose how someone controls his or her impulses, calm or strong emotions and develop memories in their early family life. Tim Clinton (2006) believe s that everyone develops relationship rules, which determines their relationship style from childhood.He described four relationship styles in his book, Why You Do the Things You Do The orphic to Healthy Relationships the secure, the avoidant, the ambivalent and the disorganized relationship style. The underlying reason why people do the things they do is their relationship style or their attachment style. Special relationship, bond, or connection with another person that is characterized by strong emotions and continues through time is what Clinton (2006) refers to as attachment. A persons relationship style is determined by the interactions between a mother and her infant over time.These interactions teach her child certain relationship rules, which are snapper beliefs about one self and others. These core beliefs may not always be fully cognizant to the individual, but they influence the behavior of everyone in a powerful way, such as the tendencies to act violently or easily become a victim in premarital relationships. Insecure relationship styles, the avoidant, the ambivalent and the disorganized relationship style are most(prenominal) likely to experience relational conflicts more often than those with secure relationship style.Children learn how to manage conflict from watching the way their parents work out their disagreements. A childs security is also threatened when he sees his parents in screaming matches, physical struggles or violence (Clinton, 2006). An individual with a disorganized relationship style is at a high risk to fall into fatheaded depression because this person has been b influenceline depressed and anxious throughout life. Events such as job loss, conflict with a friend, financial struggles can cause him or her to sink rapidly into serious depression.Those with poor rational health outcomes such as anxiety, depression, reduced self-esteem, separate out, and various physical health consequences, have been involved in a violent relationship (Gibb et al. , 2004 Messman-Moore et al. , 2000). The potential for violence can be linked to someone who has authentic a disorganized relationship style. Children who develop a disorganized relationship style have been traumatized by their own parents, who were both a source and the solution to their fears and anxieties. This simply means that these children had no solution or safe haven for them.As a result, these children become emotionally disorganized and fragmented during emphasisful multiplication (Clinton, 2006). There are two sources of emphasis that influence individuals or couples positivistic events that comes with a challenge and negative events that comes with threat and harm or loss. There are contradicting studies of dating violence, and the role that stress plays in premarital love relation conflict is not yet clear. Men and women may react differently to stress according to OLearys (1998) theoretical formulation of spouse aggression.Wethington et al. (1987) reported that research on acute stressors shows that males and females are connatural in the number of undesirable events experienced, but that males seem more emotionally affected. Therefore, if there is a relationship between stress and violence, it might be greater for males than females (Marshall Rose, 1990). Marshall and Rose (1990) conducted a study to establish the influence of stress on relationship conflicts and violence. They found that positive stress contributed to males recent expression of violence, (p. 61).The reason why positive stress but not negative stress, contributed to males expression of violence is unclear according to Marshal and Rose (1990). This determination is contrary to previously similar studies done by other researchers, however, this phone line may be due to the fact that Marshal and Rose allowed the observers, rather than the respondents to classify the direction of stress impact, whether they are positive or negative. Stress is a s econdary emotional reaction, when someone tries to repress primary feather emotions such as fear or pain due to life issues (Clinton, 2006).An individual who has an avoidant relationship style tends to be narcissistic who can easily become even more self-absorbed under stress. Possibilities for conflicts would subjoin dramatically for these types of individuals because when they receive negative feedback, for instance, they become angry and contemptuous, ( dismiss Locations 1522-1526). This kind of behavior brings constant or more frequent conflicts under stressful times for both individuals. Dyadic ProblemsIn premarital relationships, mutual perceptiveness and devotion exist between couples, especially when they move towards a deeper level of commitment. In contrast to these qualities, most couples were found to be in mutual combat because more than two-thirds of one sample reported bilateral violence (Carte et al. , 1982). Some individuals, whose perception of dating is one o f a carefree experience to be enjoyed or to just have a good time, approach their problems by using their partners as targets to physically act out feelings of anger, confusion and jealousy (Henton et al. 1983).A study done by Henton et al. (1983) assessed the incidence and context of the use of violence in high school relationship because the first experiences in forming intimate relationships occur for many individuals during high school. He found that a significant number of high school students have experienced premarital violence in one or more relationships. In 71. 4% of high school relationships where violence occurred, it was found that the pattern of abuse was reciprocal, where each partner had been both the victim and aggressor at some point in time.The remaining 28. 6 %, four patterns were identified male abuser only, female abuser only, abused male and abused female. Most individuals remained in violent relationships because they felt that they have significantly fewer alternatives than those who terminated such relationships. Individual tends to tolerate or have a more positive attitude towards premarital violence if they have been involved in abusive relationships than those who were involved in non-abusive relationships (Henton et al. 1983).This finding in this study suggests that the occurrence of premarital violence is because of dyadic problems rather than solely a result of individual characteristics. One suggestion as to why victims had a more positive attitude towards violence may be because victims of violence may have become addicted to such trauma. The brain releases chemicals called endogenetic opioids, natural painkillers that are the brains equivalent to heroin whenever someone is under extreme stress.The stress of relationship violence could easily cause victims to become addicted to the drug. For someone to withdraw from that drug would be similar to breaking a drug addiction. Increasing the difficulty is the fact that the withdr awal symptoms parallel the incubus of the traumatized person emptiness, tension, irritability, and an internal sense of unrest, (Clinton, 2006, Kindle Locations 2131-2137). The person may return to the trauma and its morphine, in order to relieve the symptoms.Another way addiction to trauma can develop is fear of the unknown Clinton, 2006, Kindle Locations 2131-2137. The state of ones emotional wellbeing is a factor that influences how couples handle conflicts and whether they are prone to violence or foster safety. Emotion, according to Clinton (2006), is The physical, gut-felt responses that fuel our behavior and motivate us to act, (Kindle Locations 4310-4311). Emotions are what motivate someone to essay closeness during times of stress and therefore, they are very important in relationships.Specific emotional components such as positive affective whole tone, listening and understanding, and self-disclosure, protect premarital relationships from violence (Prager Buhrmester, 1 998). Those individuals who did not develop a secure relationship style as termed by Tim Clinton (2006) foster many kinds of negative emotions because of insecurities they developed from childhood. Individuals with the ambivalent relationship style tend to be anxious, melodramatic or angry. These individuals would be prone to violence in their dating relationships. Swett and Marcus (2002) explored the issues about couples emotional dynamics and violence.A group of upper-level undergraduates were asked a number of questions about their current relationship, about the duration of their relationships, number of times in previous relationships they had physical fights and the severity of blemish they had suffered as a result (Swett Marcus, 2002). The findings of the study support the importance of the intimacy components of positive affective tone and listening and understanding in reducing dyadic violence. The quality of emotional interactions is a factor that influences violent tend encies in premarital relationships.Positive emotions that involve positive affective tone and listening and understanding, can curb violence in relationship, and therefore serve as protections against violence (Swett Marcus, 2002). Unhealthy communication leads to conflicts, it prevents couples from being able to talk through their feelings. Tim Clinton (2006), talks about four kinds of unhealthy communication, in his book, he explained how criticism, defensiveness, contempt and obstruct are all forms of unhealthy communication. Criticism comes in a form of questioning that implies that the other person has a character flaw, for example, why do you always do that?You never do what you say youre release to do. I just cant count on you for anything, (Kindle Locations 775-776). Defensiveness is a reaction against a criticism make retaliation, for example, What do you mean I never do what I say? How many times have you not come through when I needed you to help me out with the kids ? You dont help. You just whine and complain that things dont happen according to your schedule (Kindle Locations 778-779). Contempt comes when criticism and defensiveness intensifies, disparaging remarks, put-downs and extreme distress result.For example, some one who is in contempt might say something like this, You make me sick You never do what you say youll do. Youre a big talker, just like your mother, but you never follow through. Ive grown used to not being able to rely on you, so Ill just do everything myselflike always. (Kindle Locations 782-784). Stonewalling results from a high intensity of contempt, causing a person to shut down and stop participating in conversation by move out of the room or stare off into space. These behaviors can increase the other persons rage and spark another round of criticism. Kindle Locations 785-787).People with insecure relationship styles would be at a higher risk of relationship violence victimization and or perpetration. Conclusion A lthough squabbles are a necessary part of every couples growth together, when carefully managed or regulated, is a building block for a healthy relationship, one that is vibrant and thriving (Clinton, 2006). People who are at less risk for relationship violence victimization and perpetration are most likely to possess a secure relationship style. These people are confident in their identity, their effectiveness in the world and trust others.This allows them to have a healthy way of interacting with and relating to people. Secure people are emotionally strong, willing to seek and accept teething ring from others, courageous about love and intimacy, and responsible for themselves,(Kindle Location 4337). There are many other factors that potentially increase the chances for individuals to have a healthy love relationship with another person. Individuals, who have higher attachment to his or her parents during childhood, were less likely to be responsible for dating violence (Chapple Hope, 2003).Religious institutions were found to be a protective factor for potential violence dating relationship. Students reporting more church attending were less likely to be involved in a violent dating relationship (Coker et al. , 2000 Gover, 2004). Conflicts often arise because of the lack of communication skills and resolution skills. Couples should learn to talk openly and honestly about our feelings, both positive and negative ones. A healthy form of communication can develop this way between couples. It will help them avoid unnecessary conflicts that can eventually escalate to violence.